Darryl! (you thought I was gonna say ‘Jed’, didn’t ya??? and for those who have no clue what I am referring to…”The beverly hillibillies”…was a sitcom back in the day) Now that we have establishe how old I really am!!….(cough…cough)
Back to the story I would like to tell….Now, this may end up being a 3 part story…due to all the lessons I learned from my marriage to Darryl…so, get a cup of coffee…tea and join me!
When I met, Darryl, I was about 17…I was not living for the Lord. At that time I was doing what felt good to me. He was ‘the life of the party’ type of guy…very funny and everyone seemed to like him alot. What I didn’t realize (until it was too late) was how abusive this man was!
It began with the words…name calling and putting me down. Now, keep in mind I didn’t think too much of my self to begin with…I mean, I thought that if a man was physically attracted to me, then that was love. In my mind I was worthless…another long story for another day …involving the first man in my life, my dad…ok, back on track here…Darryl spent energy, time and effort to tear me down(even more than I was already) in my mind and emotions before he ever physically hit me.
I married this man because I was afraid he would kill my mom and my grandma…He was good at bringing his threats to reality, and I believed he would actually kill them!
I spent 10 long years living in fear. Many times I was accused of this that or the other…followed by a thurough beating…and I mean, beatings! I was tiny gal back then and he was 6 foot and 300lbs…He could literally wrap my entire neck in one hand and throw me around like a rag doll! Which he did…often. He never left physical evidence, like bruising…I had one scar on my arm that finally went away 4 years after a beating…the point I am trying to get at is I was super afraid of this man. Yet it was more the emotional/mental abuse that took its toll on me…even to the point of physical illness…for the last 2 years of my marriage to him I experienced constant (2yrs straight) menstrual cycle…that was the effect the fear had on my body…
There were many things I was ‘not allowed’ to do, because if I did…he would beat me. I couldn’t hang out with my family…
my..our son…or go to church. If I spent (accorrding to him) too much time with my family…or went to church…I was cheating on him and I got my behind beat!
Now, I am not saying I was perfect in this marriage…there were many things I did out of fear for this man…things that are shameful and yuck so I will not list them…however, I didn’t do…never did…the things he would accuse me of! And I could not understand how he figured I did the things he was saying as I was his prisoner!
The last year of this marriage, God orchestrated some things on my behalf…Darryl was a drug user..(I was too until he beat the slap outta me because I couldn’t afford to buy him some more drugs…I stopped…he continued) And as a drug user, he began to be away from home for days and days…During which time I got on my knees and cried out to the Lord!! Hours and hours I spent just crying out…my son, who was 3, would kneel with me…crying and praying…I would know when to stop because my body would ‘warn me’ when Darryl would be home soon…I would just get sick and all knotted up inside…I knew a beating was coming!
Now you may be thinking I am just talking about abuse…however, I am telling this story to get to ‘how God did His thang’ and delivered me!
Because I spent time with the Lord..praying, praising, reading His word…crying out…Things just started opening up! My eyes were the first!
I used to believe all the pain I was enduring was actually (somehow) my fault! I must have done something wrong to deserve this…I must not have been good enough…pretty enough…rich enough…etc. When God opened my eyes…wow, I was shocked at how much crud I believed because of how he treated me!
The last ‘beating’ I recieved…was weird. I was with him…in his family’s neighborhood…sitting with his sister in her car…he was gone (of course)…she and I were just talking and waiting for him to come back to pick me up…there was one of his so called ‘homies’ sitting on a porch accross from where sis and I were sitting…she left with another guy to ‘make a liquor run’ …I stayed in her car because I knew if I wasn’t there when he got back there would be hell to pay!
He finally did get back…not too long after his sister rode off with the guy to the store…as Darryl was getting out of his car…the so called ‘homie’ was running up to him to tell him that I rode off with his sister and this guy!!!! I could not believe what I was hearing! Really??? I was sitting right there…where he left me!!!! As this guy was telling him this I got out of the car and walked over to him…at that same time his sister and the guy pulled up and blew the ‘homies’ story right outta the water….or so I thought.
We drove to pick up our son…and were heading home and Darryl was quiet…too quiet…and my stomach was in knots…sick knots…Darryl began to grab my hair and pull and push my head against the car window while he was driving…all while accusing me of doing the very thing that guy had told him…even accused me of liking the attention of the guy who was lying!!! This is when God opened my eyes…the way this man treated me had nothing to do with me! I was just a convienient punching bag! He was an irrational thinker and nothing I said…did or didn;t do would have ever made a difference! Yet, I had been so hurt and broken inside…I believed his lies…I became his lies…
Praise God He interveined!! I might still be stuck in that situation!
ok…This is part one of this story…Stay tuned!! More to come 🙂
Until next time…